I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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