they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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