one two three fourrrrnication!
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
