as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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