and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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