Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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