u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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