Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
