the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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