It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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