I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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