I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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