i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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