ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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