i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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