We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
