I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
