Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
God I need to hump something, right now.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
