I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
