My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
