I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You pole danced in your parka.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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