Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
