TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
