At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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