im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
