I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
