Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
