There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
