well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
