I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We are all done wearing pants today
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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