I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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