She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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