"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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