I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?