we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize