Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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