The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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