Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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