If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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