I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
