Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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