in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
