How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
