All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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