i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
