It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
