32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
