Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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