Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
