need another drink. this is the easiest way
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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