Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
