he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
we're so committed to being not committed
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