dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
