I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
