I want to stick my p in your. b.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
