No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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