I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
