Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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