hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
