I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you win again, gameday.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Randomize
