You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
